11/25/22

I think one of the weird things about being in your 20s is the varying degrees of relationships the people around you can be in (or maybe this is a lifelong thing, I don’t know). I have friends who are single like me, friends in situationships, friends in years-long committed relationships, friends who are engaged, and even friends who are married. all of them within the same 5-7 year age range as me. sometimes I feel like I’m the only friend who is single, but I know that’s not true. like I’m behind and I need to have met the love of my life already, and I just haven’t looked hard enough yet.

I do have a crush on someone currently. he is so funny and kind and works really hard and cares about his family, and I just think he’s great. sometimes I think that he likes me back, but it could very well be that he’s just a nice guy (side note – never had the phase where I was into bad boys, not sure what the appeal is there if I’m being honest). it’s funny that I’m over here talking about feeling behind in my love life when the reality is that I absolutely have zero game, never make the first move, don’t know how to flirt, hide my feelings, etc. I don’t mind professional rejection – like not getting hired at a job, not winning an award, stuff like that – but personal rejection is tough, I think most people would agree. my first year of law school I told a classmate that I had a crush on him and he did not feel the same way, which is fine, but that definitely sucked. and then on my birthday this year I told my then-boyfriend (now ex) that I loved him, and he did not say it back, which sucked big time. so I think that’s why the idea of telling my current crush how I feel about him is so not appealing to me, even if it means I gain some clarity about how he feels towards me. tbd on what I decide to do there.

but life is bigger than romantic relationships, and even though there are times when I feel lonely and wish I had a significant other, I have so much love in my life. I have a fantastic relationship with my parents and my brother, one that I recognize is so so special. I have great friends who never make me feel left out or looked over (even the ones in relationships). and I have my dog, who shows me the most unconditional love I’ve ever felt. Zoey looks at me like I hung the moon, she always wants to be close to me, is always happy to see me, and just showers me with a pure, uncomplicated love. I hope everyone experiences a love like that at some point in their life.

things I am grateful for: my parents and their beautiful marriage, which emulates the kind of love I want; my friends that have found the love they deserve; and knowing the unconditional love of a pet.